Suspicions
by samigurl
Summary: It wasn't like bubbles to do something like that, and it comes with a price, starting with suspicions. my first fanfic bubblesxOCxbutch insrpired by Turn Out The Lights Turn Up The Volume.
1. prologue

Suspicions bubbles

Sammygirl16: I wrote this as a response to 'turn out the lights turn up the volume' by 'crysalgemmaker'. Its an idea that I had. This is my first ever fan fiction story, hope you like it, review please and please I welcome constructive criticism, it will help with how I can improve. Anyways hope you like it J R&R

The hallway was dim and dingy, thick cigarette smoke filled the air, I rushed to the stairs in order to leave the apartment building as soon as I could. _oh why did I do it? How could I, how could I cheat? _I tugged my white jacket further around me, I felt sick, I felt like a object, like a dare I say it a _whore._

This wasn't like me. I was raised better than this. I was just a spoilt girl from uptown, ever since I'd came to the city I'd changed. People always took me as innocent my blue eyes and soft blonde hair made me look completely innocent.

I didn't think I could even look butch in they eye after what I had done with another man. I loved butch he was the only man I loved, yet I had done this. I rubbed at my arms to create heat as my breath was visible in front of me.

It was winter and the whole city was frozen over. _My skin smelt of him. _I needed to shower before butch saw me, what if he could tell? My gaze lowered and I was staring down guilty at my feet.

I was on the last flight of stairs, "Hey, hey blondie," a sly cocky voice said "what you doing here bubbles?" I looked up and froze. Their standing in front of me was ace grinning slyly at me, he had his hands tucked in the pockets of his black leather jacket. "uhh…h-hey ace! how are you?" I felt so guilty after betraying butch and I felt my cheeks warm up drastically.

Ace was close friends with butch I didn't want to falter, but I couldn't help it. I was a terrible liar. He gave me a weird look, he already knew something, just by the way I said hey, he was looking at me funny. My eyes were darting all over the place I desperately tried to keep my gaze on his eyes steadily like a any normal person would when having a civil conversation. "I'm aright, what are you doing here?" his tone on the last bit of that sentence was more serious.

I couldn't blame his curiosity, I was in a even more dangerous part of the city, not that far from my own apartment, sure my own apartment area was rough but I was now somewhere worse off than that, I was around where Grant Audley's old house was, more in that territory.

His eyes narrowed only a little when I didn't answer him. I just stared at him my lips parted slightly. _Think. Think. _"I was just taking a walk and sort of um just ended up here." I smiled politely. He paused and opened his mouth to speak. "You look jumpy, and your sweating like hell, did someone attack you?"

I was a little stunned that he seemed to care if I was ok, but he was Butch's friend, so I guess he would do. It was nice of him but I wasn't about to thank him. "oh no, no I'm fine. I know its stupid me being here alone but I ran into a friend, and we were talking and I lost track ha-ha.."

I blushed. I thought of what really happened. _The man I was with pushing me down on the mattress. The dark pleasure we both felt as our bodies rammed into each other, creating a quick rhythm. Him roughly grabbing my wrists and pinning them above my head dominating me completely, taking all of me in. _

Ace was stood on the step in front of me, he just needed to nudge a little to the right so I could pass him and get out of the building. He held my gaze and I gulped he lowered his shades and looked at me. "this friend?…" I cut him off. "ok well I have to go now. Bye." I said bubbly and casually, too casually. I dodged his path quickly, we were shoulder to shoulder. He grabbed my arm firmly halting me on the stair. "hold on."

He gazed at me suspiciously we were silent for a few seconds. His looked at my messy greasy hair. _It was in that condition through my previous actions with the man I was just with. _Then ace took note of my clothes, my dress was on inside out and I did my best to cover up with my warm, white, jacket. His frown suddenly turned into a sly smirk he sniffed up discreetly. I knew I smelt of sex.

His smirk grew his tone was suggesting something dirty "well, well, well you haven't been up to no good have you? I know butch isn't here, because he's doing a job for me" Thankfully he seemed to be joking. He knew that I meant a lot to butch. Me and butch were in a serious relationship and I loved him. I just gave him a confused look. Playing dumb. "what?" I raised an eyebrow. "nothing" he looked me in they eye, trying to read me yet still keeping his careless cool he always had on. He frowned, looking, disappointed?

"butch thinks the world of you," his voice was quieter. "If he knew you were screwing another ma.." my eyes widened "what? I wouldn't, I'd never."

"babe, don't even try lying, cos you suck at it." I shut my mouth, my lip trembling ever so slightly. He smirked slyly he was such an idiot. "Don't worry I wont say anything. It's not even my business."

"ace I…" before I could say another word… "be careful walking home,"

And with that he left wandering up the stairs. I heard a sultry, sassy voice come from the floor above me "hey ace" high heels clanked on the wooden floor boards. She was wearing practically nothing swaying her hips in his direction as he walked up to her, he grabbed her and they kissed "hey baby" he said in a suggestive tone. She laughed playfully and the door of her apartment shut, both of them not to be seen.

_Huh, I guess a lot of people have meaningless flings. I just never realised how easy it is, and how tempting._

_This wasn't me. I'd love butch no matter what, and I always will._

_I felt like dirt. like there was a dirt so deep that I could not scrub off or forget about._

_I cheated on the man I loved._

_Butch sawyer _


	2. walk away

**I was naive, your love was like candy**

**Artificially sweet, I was deceived by the wrapping,**

**Got caught in your web and I learned how to bleed,**

**I was prey in your bed and devoured completely **

The wind made a low whistling sound, whipping my hair out of my face and making my shiver in the cold winter breeze. A tear worked it's way down my cheek, walking down the city sidewalk, now on my way home. I felt like throwing up, I was so mad at myself.

I couldn't handle this, the deep guilt if felt, loathing myself. As long as butch didn't ask questions I didn't have to lie, we both knew I couldn't bluff to save my life, I just wasn't a natural liar, as my sisters had always told me whenever we were keeping a secret from our father back home, when we were growing up. If butch did ask where I was I would try my best to pretend nothing happened, that everything was normal, and avoid telling him where abouts I was in the first place.

The sound of thunder roared through the sky and the clouds darkened above me, it would rain soon. I had just ran into ace and he knew something happened, I was near at my apartment building, _just two more blocks_.

_His eyes were filled with lust, my knees felt weak "baby, come on" he wrapped his arms tightly around my hips, and kissed my neck, I closed my eyes and breathed him in, he smelt so good. His hands trailed up my back to unhook my bra. "Stan…" I protested. He was a man involved with the Audley boys, I knew that because of the blue tattoo he had on his face. He cupped my chin with his hand for me to look at him. He crashed his lips onto mine and pulled me closer with his steal grip, he was intoxicating. Something came over me, and I gave in._

_Before I knew it, we were on the bed. His bed. I lost track of everything, we were striped of our clothes, as they were scattered around us…. _

I shook my head trying to ignore the dark thoughts going through my mind. I felt sick and frowned to myself, disgusted. I pulled a stray strand of my blond hair and tucked it behind my ear.

The sky was turning pink and red with the sunset, I looked around the city as it started pouring down with rain, the streets were packed with people quickly walking past me, eager to get home too. I loved the rain, the sound of it, the smell of it, I just wasn't keen when it was raining on me, like this. My apartment building was now in sight, I was just passing by an alley "hey, hey, cutie," I looked to my right a man twice my age was grinning at me.

I shivered and looked away trying to ignore him. That's when I saw Sadie Wilson with Snake they were linking arms. I smiled, they were both smiling and laughing to each other, both of them walking fast on the opposite sidewalk from me, obviously wanting to get out of the rain. They were engaged now and I thought it was so sweet, she told me recently that she really wanted to make it work with snake and that she would learn to love him as much as he loved her. She seemed happy and I was glad for her. She waved at me and I smiled back.

I was now jogging up the dingy stairwell, to my apartment. My clothes were heavy and soaked through. I took my key and entered my apartment, closing the door behind me. I leaned back against it and closed my eyes. _"Stan…wait" he lowered me down on his bed, me beneath him. "Sssshh" he hushed and kissed me again and again, our tongues battling together, his hands exploring my body…_

I started running the shower, and let out a breath, my breathing too fast, same as my heart beat. The thoughts of _him_ came crashing back and I hated it.

The regret. I was crying again. How could I do this to butch?

…_..After heated moments, kissing and touching of our bare bodies. He grabbed my hands and pinned them down above my head, I spread my legs for him and wrapped them around his waist, I heard him chuckle darkly, and my entire body shivered with the sound. He was hard and he quickly trusted inside. He waited till he was all the way in, I gasped. Then he began to move "mm hmm" I moaned out quietly, my lips shut, the sound of our slapping flesh getting louder, he drove inside harder at a paced rhythm, pushing his hips firmly against mine, it felt so good, I lifted my hips upwards, to his will, my body tensing, ready. The wooden headboard of the bed banged against the wall repeatedly with each thrust he gave, ramming. He moaned out, both of us tensing up. he looked into my eyes and smirked, showing the white of his teeth,_

_I already regretted it, but I let him continue._

I shocked myself. The city changed me but I was still a good person, I was still me, Bubbles Utonium, I was stronger now, and I grew up a lot after moving here on my own. I was in love with a man who wanted me too. What more could I want? I didn't want anything else, except Butch Sawyer. I waited till the water turned warm, then stripped off and entered the shower, the warmness of the water soothed my cold skin and I felt calmer. Butch should be home soon, apparently he was busy running errands, as Ace had told me. Oh my god, Ace! What if he said something to butch. That scared me. It scared the life out of me. I had never felt so vulnerable.

_I clenched "Ahhh mmm" I moaned as he released into me. We suddenly stopped moving, tired and out of breath, he relaxed on top of me, resting his weight on my body, my legs felt weak and I breathed out slow, He pulled out, and rolled over, landing next to me. Stan sat up and reached down under his bed, picking up a cigarette pack and lighter. He lit a cigarette and took a long drag and rolled his neck, groaning. He chuckled darkly and looked down at me. "thanks for a good fuck babe." tears were filling up in my eyes. He threw my clothes at me, left the bed and walked to the bathroom._

I didn't know what possessed me to do such a thing, and with they enemy, with a man who was in the Audley gang. Lust had completely taken over at that moment, but I knew for a fact It would never happen again. It wasn't worth it. I loved butch. I worked the shampoo through my blonde hair and scrubbed. I was done rinsing, I turned off the shower, dried off and started to dress myself.

_Stan was a stupid mistake._

_A one off._

_The only thing I feared most of all was butch ever finding out._

_I would lose him._

_What would he do? would he forgive me?_

It was about an hour later, when I heard a knock on the door.

**A/N: my second chapter! I just had some idea's I had to get out.**

**I'm sorry not much happened in this chapter, but I did my best to give you guys something for now, I got the idea for this story when I was reading 'turn out the lights turn up the volume' such an amazing story, that's how I got inspiration to write this.**

**Stan is in the Audley gang and he is well known for what he does. not much happened in this chapter but more will happen in the next. **

**It may take awhile for the next chapter as I've not got much time to spare at the moment, but hopefully this will do for now. hope you guys liked it.**

**I like constructive criticism to help me improve. Very constructive (^_^)**

**Thanks so much for reading**


	3. sweet dreams

**Every night I rush to my bed**

**With hopes that maybe I'll get a chance to see you**

**When I close my eyes I'm going out of my head**

**Lost in a fairytale, can you hold my hands and be my guide?**

I grabbed a spare towel on the side and ran my wet blonde hair through it. It had been just over and hour since I got home and nearly had a heart attack due the deep sense of guilt I felt and the knock on the door.

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

There it was again, it was probably Butch. I sucked in a breath "yes?"

"It's me" butches voice echoed through the thin apartment walls. He told me to lock my door at all times. I rolled my eyes he worried about me, of course he did, but he'd never admit it would he? I sighed. What is it with men and pride?

"hello there" I smiled at him sweetly. He looked pissed and I thought I knew why. Ace had told him he saw me on my own in that dingy apartment all alone, well not _alone._ Bucth's dark eyes were narrow.

"bubbles?…" He closed the door behind him as he entered my apartment. I felt jumpy. I was a terrible liar and a terrible actress. He took notice of my stiff movements and gave me a weird look.

"what's up with you?" he asked "and why the hell did Ace tell me he saw you on your own today in that building of all places? Why were you there?" he asked me harshly.

" I just went for a walk after work I've had a headache all day" silence.

"you took a walk in a more dangerous part of town, in a random apartment?" his tone was cocky and his eyes were angry and suspicious.

"don't lie to me bubbles"

He could read me like a book. Was I really that see-through?

"bubbles.." his deep voice growling

"can you just drop it? I went for a walk, God butch give me some space! nothing bad would have happen to me in those few seconds I don't need you to be my bodyguard, just because I'm a girl doesn't make me incapable! I can look after myself! I'm not weak you know" I snapped panting and slightly out of breath my face felt hot and he smirked at me. I knew that look. I blushed pink.

"you're cute when you're angry" he said with a grin on his face, scooting over towards me. I smiled and rolled my eyes.

……………

The next morning I awoke comfy and warm in butch's arms. Our bare bodies were still sweaty from last night and it had settled on our skin. I needed to use the bathroom but as I went to move his grip on me tightened, unconsciously he pulled me closer to him, spooning me. I looked behind me, his eyes were still closed and he was asleep I kissed him twice on the cheek and he slowly opened one eye to look at me.

"good morning sleeping beauty" I teased him. He rolled his eyes I laughed at his response. He took his arm and flipped me over so I was facing him, my bed squeaked as he did, and he rolled over so he was on top of me, he shuffled all his weight to his elbows so that he didn't crush me.

"morning" he voice was rough and husky with sleep, he kissed my neck and I breathed in his musky scent.

My hands came up to smooth down and stroke his bare back, I could feel his muscles were relaxed. My mind slipped back so the nightmare I had last night, I frowned.

_Stan's face was laughing, mocking butch "that's right, I was with your girl last night, all night long.." Stan gave butch a knowing look raising his eyebrows at him. Butch knew what he meant. I knew Stan and butch were enemies I honestly loathed myself for what I had done with that man. My heart sank when I looked at butch, surprisingly he hadn't lashed out. Butch's face was drawn blank, he truly did not want to believe it, he looked at me searching for the truth in my eyes, I felt like crying, I would lose him, I couldn't say a word. I couldn't speak._

_He turned his sight to Stan "your lying." butch's tone was rough and threatening. Stan was scowling and then smirked "ask her yourself" the walls were crashing in around me I had ruined everything._

_I looked butch in the eyes, he looked heartbroken but was doing his best to hide it, as if only the look in his eyes wasn't enough to make me cry, the sadness, the disappointment came crashing down on me and I broke, a tear streamed down my face._

"what's wrong?" butch was looking down at me.

"nothing, I just, I had a bad dream last night" I look up at him with a sad smile. Poor butch, how could I have done what I did ? I loved him, no one else but him.

He looked almost sympathetic and he kissed my lips.

"well I'm here now" another kiss "I'll protect you" I pulled him down onto me and hugged him, he sunk his face in the side of my neck and I heard him breath in deeply.

I melted into his form and I could feel his lips smirk, I smiled.

………..

"are you worried about him?" I asked butch, he just shook his head "he's always been the same, he'll be fine. He always is" Butch's younger brother had been out late drinking again as usual not knowing his limits with alcohol, and ended up in a fight.

I hoped he was ok, he seemed the softest of out the three sawyer brothers, not that any of them were soft, they were feared by many.

The wind was kicking up as it whistled through the rough city streets, we were on our way to work, the dinner should be packed today I was standing out side the dinner door.

"I'll see you later then" I swung my arms around his neck and his arms came up around my back to return the hug. He then turned and walked down the street on his way to the garage were he worked.

The dinner was already busy so I got to work straight away, there were a few rough looking people that came in, but I froze when I heard a familiar voice, I turned to see the shady looking man leaning casually in a booth. Ace.

"I'll have a coffee please doll" he smiled slyly. I nodded at him avoiding his eye contact at all cost

"how are you bubbles? Not getting into trouble I hope?" he gave me a knowing look grinning at me. He's such an ass.

"why would I be in trouble?" I replied. He shrugged

"just thought I'd ask" he said with that shady grin of his.

"I'll get your coffee" I turned my back to him and walked straight into the kitchen, then headed back to him.

As I was pouring out a cup for him he spoke up "I want a word with you, seems as I know a certain secret of yours" he smirked "I have a proposition for you its nothing big just a favour to me." I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stick up, I knew ace wasn't the kind of man to trust, I could ignore him, but what if he told butch I was with someone that day I ran into him? The day when I was just leaving Stan's apartment. I had no other option than to hear him out.

**You could be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare**

**Either way I don't wanna wake up from you**

**A/N: chapter three up! I was unsure to continue but I picked up on where I want to go with this story and I've got a slightly better idea where to go with it. I welcome constructive criticism to help me improve, and thanks for reading. **

**I understand that people will not like the fact that bubbles cheated on butch but you DON'T have to link this with 'Turn Out The Lights Turn Up The Volume' if you don't want to, not much happened in this chapter but alot more will happen in the next i promise**

**thanks again =)**


	4. voice within

**When you're safe inside your room you tend to dream**

**Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems**

**No one ever wants or bothers to explain**

**Of the heartache life can bring and what it means**

The hot pottery of the coffee mug stung my hand slightly as I approached Ace. The smell of bacon and coffee filled the air. I looked around the dinner, it was mostly full but unfortunately no one needed my assistance apart from the man sitting in front of me.

Ace adjusted his shades and pushed the chair opposite him out with his foot, intending for me to sit there. He looked me up and down then motioned for me to sit. I placed the mug of coffee on the table for him.

"sit" he demanded.

I would normally feel like pouting or going in a huff but I felt on the edge, people in the dinner were sat eating comfortably and no one needed my assistance. I did as he said and sat in the chair opposite him. He had a relaxed, calm posture, all collected and cool.

"I want you to do me a few favours and I promise I wont tell butch a word of what I saw" he spoke out quietly, which I was grateful for.

I looked at him with a confused expression trying for the last time to play dumb even though I knew it wouldn't work, the look on his face told me that alone.

"you didn't see anything…you ran into me on the stairs?" I replied in a more honest manner than I had intended.

He eyes fixed directly on mine through his shades, he gave me a curious look.

"why are you denying it blondie?" I opened my mouth to speak but nothing followed. I felt like kicking him even if it was me who was in the wrong. The though of him even hinting to butch about what I did made me feel sick.

"we both knew what you did girl. I know that look, and you can't lie to save your live," ace shuffled his hands into his leather jacket pockets, his eyes still looking at my face.

"nothing happened" my tone was quiet and unsure, my cheeks suddenly felt warm, I gulped discreetly.

"so that's why you were sweating and had your clothes on inside out with that flushed look on your face?" his voice was laced thick with attitude and certainty, he tilted his head slightly.

_Was he enjoying this? _I started to think maybe I should tell butch and be honest but that though made my heart ache. I couldn't think of any good enough excuse to justify my actions that day. My lip trembled but I stood my ground I was not going to cry in front of a gang leader.

"what do you want?" I said as bravely as I could without showing my hurt. He smirked at me, his strong jaw complimenting his handsome face I traced his features with interest _but only slightly_, rough life on the streets was evident and it showed on him. This made him attractive in an dangerous way.

"aww babe, have I got you all worried?" he voiced. I glanced at the salt shaker on the table my eye lids lowered, It wasn't just worring me it was hurting me.

"you feel guilty don't you, I can tell honey" I looked into his eyes you could see them slightly through his shades thanks to the harsh lights of the dinner. I prayed someone would call for my assistance… nothing. Ace laughed I couldn't believe how a human being could be so insensitive.

"don't you worry, I wont be too harsh, as its you" he winked _what? _

Just then the door swung open, snakes voice was urgent "ace trouble."

In a few seconds, ace was out the door leaving without a word. I signed glad he left. A slight racket came from the kitchen and my boss shouted profanity words as I went to inspect.

"grill's broke again" my boss looked at me by the looks of it he had burnt his hands on the stove.

I was sent home early and the dinner closed for the day. It was cold out so I wrapped my coat tightly around my body.

The streets were covered in graffiti and a group of shady looking young men were gathered outside the steps of an apartment building. They were all smoking, talking loudly as I walked passed. I felt uncomfortable under their gaze. Two of them whistled at me and I suddenly felt embarrassed.

"I think that's butch's chick, I'd ride that" I heard the hooded young man. They all laughed at his sniddey comment and carried on with their business. I felt a shiver go up my spine I had the feeling I was being followed by one of them, but shook it off. I only had one block to my apartment building by the time I turned this nearby corner.

The alley was caved and small, Suddenly I felt a large hand clasp around my mouth from behind, I had been followed, Panic took over and I tried to scream and I kicked but it didn't make a difference, he quickly swung me around to trap me against the wall with him shifting his weight on me.

"Bubbles" he said with amusement which scared me half to death, I looked up at him and he slowly removed his hand from my mouth. Stan.

"wha…oh my god it's you" I let out a shaky breath. He was still pushed up against me, but he loosened his grip slightly, seems as I had stopped attempting to scream

"I wondered if you wanted to come back to mine?" his suggestive tone echoed the concrete walls around us, the small blue tattoo on his face stretched as he smirked. That's all I was, an object. I had fallen because of lust with him before, but never again. ever.

"no, I don't want to, it was a stupid mistake" this only made him smirk wider he shook his head mockingly

"you've said that before" he cupped my chin and snaked his head under to kiss my neck "remember…"

_I knocked on the wooden door "well, well, hello" Stan was leaning against the door frame his jeans hung low and he was shirtless, I heard low music coming from his apartment sounded like house music and psychedelics. __I stood tall in his door way with a confident posture, the dark stairwell made him look mysterious, there was more light coming from his apartment than there was out here. "I just wanted to make something clear, when you kissed me without my consent the other day, I didn't appreciate that and I wanted to tell you to stop hassling me or I'll.." it was hypocritical of me to be there. I know that now. I just wanted to be brave and sort this out myself. _"_or you'll do what?" his eyes darkened his slight trailed down my body he cupped my elbow with his fist completely covering it and pulled me into his apartment, my eyes widened, I resisted by budging my arm off his tight and painful grasp._

"_you'll do what" he repeated he closed the door with his hand, and pushed me against it. That heated look in his eyes made me squirm within his grasp. He crashed his lips onto mine he was rough, passionate and he cupped my chin upwards giving me no escape. My hair fell lose around my shoulders, his fingers tangling through the silken strands of my hair, his other hand trailing up my bare leg and up past the hem of my work dress to my thigh, his rough hand smoothed down and around my upper thigh pulling me towards him, trying to get me into play. I looked up at his handsome face. He bit at my neck on a sensitive spot and I moaned softly closing my eyes my head tilted back letting him bit down more, this hand on my thigh travelled up higher, without warning he pushed his fingers up, I gasped as he began pumping them viciously, fast, I gasped and my eyes froze open as he bit down onto my neck harder 'mmmm' I moaned quietly my hand gripped onto his moving arm, he went faster at a higher angle he looked at me and his eyes darkened he stopped and left me shivering slightly. This needed to stop, but my body contradicted._

Stan breathed down my neck "remember the way you asked for it" the wind whipped around us and whistled through the city air

_His expression was suddenly serious and insistent he kissed me and took hold of my coat pulling it down out of my arms it slipped onto the wooden flooring. In two quick movements he removed my dress pulling the buttons apart, it ripped as easily as velcro. He clasped his hands around my hips and pushed my body against his I kissed him and wrapped my arms around his neck he snickered darkly and slipped off his jeans as well as his boxers I froze as he pulled down my underwear I let out a shaky breath, unsure completely. He pushed me against the wall looking me over._

I felt disgusted. butch was the only man I ever wanted like that.

"_don't stop.." I whispered and kissed him, he wrapped his hands around each of my thighs, hoisting me up against the wall. Our kisses were heated and both our bodies were tensed, ready for what was to come. __I closed my eyes and rolled my head back against the wall, we moaned louder and I gripped him desperately pulling him as close as possible , he was thrusting up into me harder, faster, deeper in a steady rhythm of our bodies. His hips rammed up against mine I panted against his skin, my soft high pitched moan echoed off the thin walls of the apartment, his grip was so tight on my thighs almost painful, keeping me in place. _"_fuck" he moaned. I'm sure the sound of my voice is what made him ram this hard too, I arched my back making it easier for him. I could feel him just right, then I felt his release. We moaned and he leaned us against the wall my legs felt unbelievably weak and they went slack he shifted us to rest on the bed all sweaty and out of breath, with him on top of me, our breathing slowly steadied and we were relaxed. I breathed out a long slow breath and he rested his head on one fist as he propped up his elbow next to my face. He grinned down at me victoriously. he'd got what he wanted._

I pushed Stan away with force he stumbled back away from me.

"It was a mistake," I repeated "I don't want you, Leave me alone" I went to make a quick exit from the dark alley. The clouds were rolling in above and the sky darkened. I heard him approach me from loud footsteps heading my way from behind.

"so what was that other time about and the time before that?" Stan slipped his hands in his jean pockets casually that scowl he had still remained on his face.

"please just leave me alone" I could stand this anymore

"or don't you want your boyfriend finding out?" his tone was more serious and I paused, my breath caught my throat.

"this isn't over babe" Stan said leaving, he turned the other way and walked towards two men that were calling him over. As soon as I turned my head toward to head home, Ace was stood two feet in front of me.

He looked over at Stan and the men that had their backs to us walking away. I noticed that Ace's knuckles were white and he had blood on his hand, he must have just been in a fight.

"you do know he's the enemy?" he motioned for me to look at Stan. His eyes were pasted with anger but you could only sense his wrath just slightly, he glared at me. I knew that in the city that gangs are far more complicated and dangerous than I could ever imagine and to these men pride comes first. Ace was reading me i felt adrenaline rush through my veins and i felt sadness for butch.

"It was him?"

**A/N:** **apologies for it taking so long but here it is chapter 4. ****If you review be please be nice and any constructive criticism is welcome. **

**Thanks for reading! Even if there aren't that many of you atm :P**


	5. tell me lies

**I never believed that there was a rainbow**

**With a pot of gold at the end**

**I'm much too smart for fairytales like that**

**Yet here I am again **

**I thought this time, this time were gonna make it**

**Why i thought so i really dont know**

**Maybe something in his eyes just told me so**

**Something in his eyes...**

I heard the heavy thunder roar above us, loud. The sound was numbing. Ace stood in front of me waiting for an answer, the walls were closing in around me he knew who the man was, i was trapped deeper in a hole i could never now get out of.

"so it was him?" he repeated, he jerked his eyebrow upwards in question.

i didn't even think. "no, no it wasn't" but my reply was hallow just as the words were.

His face was tight but carefully carm, he knew I was lying but surprisingly he wasn't as angry as I thought, considering Stan was in one of his rival gangs or as he said the enemy. Ace knew butch though, they were friends and he could tell him everything.

Ace shook his head "Jesus Christ girl, you don't seam that type," he paused, seeming slightly interested. "what would your boy say?" he said cockily, feeling some sort of remorse for butch because I could hear disappointment in his tone. I knew from what butches brother had told me that butch wasn't the type to settle down when it came to girls, but apparently with me it was different I meant something to butch, just like he did to me. I felt like braking down. again.

"please don't say anything" I said quickly, my lip quivered.

"I think its best he finds out now rather than later honey, don't you?" he teased and quickly brushed past me.

"ace wait" I grabbed the cold leather on his jacket as I grabbed his arm and tugged him back, to a stop. He turned to face me and I looked up at him. I had to be careful with what I said. I was trying my best to be smart about this situation, but I didn't want to seem weak so I didn't beg, I don't think he would take kindly to that, a powerful gang leader like him, it would seem too petty of me. I told him as kindly and as confidently as I could,

"don't say anything, I didn't want this but I cant change what's happened, don't tell butch," I looked up at him pleading but with dignity by keeping my tears held in and my back straight, he considered this as he looked down into my eyes, if he could do anything remotely nice it would be to keep quiet.

"It's none of my business, but he'll find out you know, if its not from me he'll find out eventually, I'm sure Stan wont keep quite about it, most guys around here brag and he's probably told the boys about you already," he said honestly as he adjusted his shades coolly. I stayed silent for a while, this was such a mess, but I couldn't bear telling butch the truth, him knowing that what I do with butch I had done with Stan not even by force but by me falling and not stopping him.

"ok honey, I would appreciate a few favours from you if I'm not to speak a word to butch" ace had changed his mind yet again. He was so unpredictable and complicated, now he was being bold enough to threaten me with the information he had against me? so thats no susprise, the fact he asked for a favour worried me slightly what would he want me to do?

"what favours?" I asked him, as I shuffled my hands that were still callous from working in the diner, Ace buried in his pockets to pull out a cigarette as he lit it I noticed his knuckles were still deadly white with a smear of blood on one hand. The wind picked up and I wrapped my white jacket further round me and hugging my form tightly. He didn't look at me but he looked as if he was deep in thought.

"there's a few of them, but for tonight I want you to look after jazz for me, I'm going to be busy so I'll drop her off at your apartment at 5," he was blackmailing me but he wasn't throwing me anything difficult so far. Butch and I didn't have any specific plans so I nodded, babysitting his little sister jazz could be a handful but she was such a cute and sweet little girl. I agreed, not like I had much choice.

"ok" I told him with a quick hesitant smile .

"good" he smirked taking a drag of his cigarette and breathing out the thick white smoke, he glanced up at the tall apartment building beside us his jaw set straight then his eyes were back on mine. "that's the favour for now, they'll be more, but I'll go easy on you, don't worry" he winked showing very faint winkles around his eyes.

"see you later blondie" I nodded back at his goodbye and we split off in different directions. My blood pumped a little faster in my veins with nervousness.

"we can sleep at your place tonight" butch and I were walking up the stairs

"ok," I smiled brightly up at him, his black hair was damped slightly with sweat from working all day it fell in front of his face a little and he pushed it back with his hand, he was so cute "I'm cooking us dinner tonight"

He smirked mockingly "I hope it's not your soup again" he said wrinkling his nose. I pushed him playfully and giggled he gave me a look from the corner of his eyes.

_Did he know something? _

My eyelids lowered and my gaze was on the floor of the apartment building. I went quiet for a moment. When we entered my apartment, he instantly noticed my changed mood.

"what's wrong?" he looked at me. I couldn't look into his eyes, the stabbing pain of guilt was building up inside. Even if butch didn't know, ace did, Stan did and worst, I did. I knew.

"nothing, just.." a tear ran down my face. It was only a matter of time before he knew too. I broke so easily.

"bubbles" he said the tone in his voice was gentler than before he wrapped his arms round my hips and rubbed gently with his rough hands up and down around my waist in a comforting manner.

"what is it? Just tell me" he was angry but not at me I could tell, he wasn't aggressive. He obviously though wanted to know why I was crying, and he wanted to fix it for me, but he couldn't, he never could, no one can change the past.

"butch, I have to tell you…" I hesitated, my voice quiet and he nodded looking into my eyes, urging me to go on.

_Knock knock knock._

"bubbles!" I heard the excited voice of sweet little jazz she was knocking on the door

"I'm looking after jazz tonight" I told butch, he raised an eyebrow

"huh" was his response. I opened the door to see ace just above my eye level.

"here's your first favour for me" he smiled slyly, giving me a knowing look on the fact he was blackmailing me, but then looked behind me to realise that butch was in the room with me, Ace's sly smile dropped to a casual look all too quickly. Butch narrowed his eyes at ace.

"yeyy! can I stay over tonight bubbles" the four year old looked up at me with a brilliant white smile giggling, her joy and innocence brightened my mood I smiled at her,

"only if your brother says its ok" I told her, looking at ace

"sure she can," he ruffled his hands through his sisters pretty black hair,

"gotta run, I'll be back in the morning to pick her up, see ya kid" ace said to his sister, me and jazz retreated back into my apartment but butch remained standing where he was near the door way, he gave me a quick suspicious glance and I only just caught it, if I wasn't looking I wouldn't have noticed, it was that quick. He followed ace out into the hallway and my heart skipped a beat pumping fast, my face felt hot,

"wait here sweetie" I told jazz, she nodded

I moved closer to the door and turned my head round the door frame to look out into the hallway, the dim lights made it look like it was a scene from an old movie, an encounter of two gang members from an old fashioned movie

"what favours does she owe you ace?" butch raised his voice in question, threatening,

"chill out man," ace just shrugged, "just a phrase" ace was doing a bad job of lying diliberaberatly i could tell, _or was it just me?_

"favours for what?" butch said slowly,

"never mind man, just drop it yeah" ace said coolly, turning and exiting down the stairs. Butch just stood there, I moved back into the apartment before he noticed I was watching. I heard the apartment door shut and butch was standing there looking at me.

"why do you owe ace favours?" his eyes was narrowed slighty, and he looked at me curiously, i shrugged my shoulders

"he's strange sometimes, i don't know what he meant," i replied, he raised his chin and his glance went to jazz.

"I just told ace i'd look after jazz for him tonight, he came in the dinner earler and I offered to babysit" i said with a confident smile. I was definatley getting better at lying, but he must have sensed something in my mannerism because he gave me that 'im not stupid' look.

"can we have something to eat please, my brother didnt have time to make me anything" jazz curled a strand of hair with her fingers unconsiously,

"il put on a pizza" butch answered before i did, little jazz ran into the kitchen she wasn't a shy girl that for sure, but she was lovley. As soon as butch was done he caught my gaze he motioned for me to follow him to the bedroom i walked upto his side his jaw was set determined

"what did ace mean? im not stupid bubbles i know your lying" it was weird i felt comforted by his close proximity and yet intimidated, that was because he knew something and that had me feeling unsettled.

"your making a deal out of nothing" i replied

"i woulndn't be if you weren't lying to me" he shot back, glaring, he really could read me, _was i that transparent?_

I was backed into the wall and he put both palms on the wall at either side of my head. I stucked in a breath discreetly, i knew this would come he would find out. "i'm sorry" I said at last, his eyes widened a little but he quickly came too and cupped my chin with his callous hand for me to look up at him,

"what for baby?" his thumb rubbed at my soft skin, his eyes were telling me that even if its bad news to just tell him the truth.

Jazz interuptted us before i could finnish and it kept on happening, i kept telling him lies and the more i told, the harder it got. Yet every time i was going to tell him, or might have told him, we were interupted.

As the night followed through butch dropped the subject, but he didnt forget, he was waiting for another free moment were we would be alone,

that wouldn't be tonight though, we had jazz to look after.

**Tell me lies**

**And ill come runnin'**

**I must have lost my mind!**

**I could close my eyes**

**And tell you just exactly what's comin'**

**Life's gunna turn just alittle unkind**

**N/A: Next chapter up! sorry not alot happened its all building the story up, thanks so much again for reading its greatly appreciated and please review :)**


	6. no sex

**Went too fast**

**way too soon **

**I feel discusted and you should too**

**Its no good when all thats left is the sex.**

The faint morning sunlight lite up the dingy hallway, I stared blankley at the wall infront of me, as recent events flashed through my mind.

_"i can show you how good it can get, better than butch" a smirk tinted his lips, complimenting his handsome face. __My mind had wandered to the first time me and stan slept together. It was his determination that had got me in the end thats why it happened, that, and the raw lust oozing from him._

_Stan pulled off my underwear, the inevitable yet to come._

_As he thrusted harder, faster, pushing me firmly against the matress our moans got louder,_ _the bed springs squeaked, " aahh mmm" i moaned as our flushed sweaty bodies rammed against eachother, my nails digging into his back, i leaned my head as he bit a sensitive spot on my neck hard, he grabbed my hips and shifted my body to a higher angle then he began to move, trying to get me into rhythm and soon enough we were both moving in perfect rhythm as he pushed himself in deeper, thrusting, the sound of our actions filled the room. _

_I tightened my legs around him and he grunted with me doing so, then moaned again, i loved the sound of his deep voice moaning as to what he was doing to me, i closed my eyes and had to bit my lip to keep me from screaming his name. He smirked down at me, drinking in the slight of every curve of my body, my face, my eyes. The muscles in my lower stomach tihgtened as i was reaching my climax, stan knew this too and he arched my body upwards all for him._

_We both felt it as we hit our high, he released into me filling me completely. _

_I loathed myself, i had enjoyed it, when he was..._

Ace was stood in my appartment, jazz had just about finnished telling him everything about how much fun she had staying here the night and he listened enthusiastically to his sister, I still felt unsettled around him.

Ace had came to pick up jazz as butch was showering, I was so confussed as to what he wanted from all this blackmail. I was only stalling time for now, I knew butch would find out so I prepared myself for the worse. I'd lose him, He wouldn't trust me after that, would he? I was going to tell him tonight, I'd made my mind up, I was a good person and butch desevred to know the truth even if it would kill me. I could not take the guilt and lying to him anymore.

As jazz went to get her things I walked up to him "incase your wanting to blackmail me further dont bother," ace went silent, and looked at me intently.

"I'm going to tell him the truth" ace just stared at me, as if he would have though i'd just do what he wanted so I could keep my secret. He thought he could push me around? but I wasnt going to let him, I wasn't going to be week, He was used to pushing people around and this had shocked him I could tell, the fact someone stood up to him shocked him, especially a girl standing up to him. He sighed.

"ok girl, you tell him then, It will break him you know" now he was emotionally blackmailing me into not telling him the truth, He was such an ass, first he was threatning to tell him now he's saying don't do it.

"you know that this can still be sorted out without butch knowing you know?" he suggested, the sentence had a meaning to it. A sinsiter one, I could tell my his voice.

"what do you mean?" my eyes narrowed slightly, confussed as to what he was tring to tell me.

"If I could get stan out of the picture, he wouldn't be a problem right" what? He wasn't insinuating he'd kill him or something was he? that was too. too. My eyes widened in shock as the look on his face answered my question. He meant it.

"ace I dont want anyone getting hurt." I said almost automatically, I suddendly though, felt indecisive about his suggestion. That's not like me. I shuck my head.

I knew stan was in a rival gang and an enemy but still, if he meant...

"Its not too late, I can make him go away and butch will never know" I paused, I could not even believe what he was considering, It would be a huge weight off my shoulders but I could never let him kill a man, It was too inhumane, before I could say anything he spoke over me.

"If you ever change you mind, come find me, I'll sort it and butch will never know," he was offering to help me and make it all go away, Butch wouldn't have to know, It would be as if I never cheated at all, like it never happened. It would be a fresh start. It would be all over and I would no longer have that shadow over me everyday and that feeling of panic and worry would go away.

Jazz ran to ace with her things "come on kid," jazz followed him as he left the appartment but not before he looked back at me giving me a meaning full look to consider his offer.

I took a deep breath tring to process what just happened, I got dressed in my work outfit and Butch stepped out of the shower and started getting dresssed.

"Ace left?" I nodded he seemed oblivious to the negative vibes around me.

I stepped out into the hallway with butch ready to go to work, he locked his appartment door. I tried to think of reasons why I cheated in the first place. It wasn't as if butch didnt satisfy me in any way, the only reason I gave away my innocence to him was because I loved him I still do, Stan was just more upfront and forceful. I guess in some way he may have forced me but I knew better deep down, I didn't try hard enough to stop him, I was too weak, I dont know if he forced my or not sometimes, I know deep down he didn't really but it was all a blur to me. It happened so fast.

"why are you so quiet again" butch looked at me. I blushed, I had all these thoughts rushing through my head at once, it felt like my head could pop any minute.

"stomach ache" I lied pouting, hoping that would settle his curiosity for now, if I hinted it was the time of the month maybe he would settle for that and shrug it off. As we decended down the stairs butch put his arm around me and i smiled brilliantly up at him.

"if your not well, dont go to work stay at home today and rest" he told me almost gently, I tucked a stray strand of blonde hair behind my ear with one hand and rubbed my tummy with the other.

"I'l be fine" I said confindentley, it was only a little white lie instead of me making something else up.

We were outside the dinner, before he left I swung my arms around his neck and hugged him he put his arms around my small form returning the hug,

"i'll pick you up here when you finnish work" his deep voice vibrated in his throat as I hugged him closer smiling at him.

"ok i'll be there, well here" I giggled sweetly and he rolled his eyes effectionatley,

"listen, I want to talk to you later on, its important" I knew what he was talking about, the other night when I was seconds away from admitting everything I had done, but we were interupted and he wanted me to finnish what I was going to say. He was being delicate about it though, he knew it took alot for me to open up just by the way I was acting.

"It's nothing bad," he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "just want to talk" I smiled and kissed his cheek cherishing every moment I had with him, before I would tell him everything tonight, he smirked back at me,

"ok we will talk, later on." I said looking into his eyes, he seemed reliefed that I seemed confident about opening up, he nodded

_stans face and voice mocked my mind, as I re saw scenes of me and him. I feel cold inside. Hollow. Where was my conscience dissapearing when I was in his bed, underneath him?_

_It was only yesterday in that alley when he asked me to go to his place. again._

Butch kissed my cheek and I breathed in his husky scent, and memorised the angle of his jaw and his face that I loved so much, I opened my mouth to speak but then closed my mouth again, another day of work began, butch turned and left for the garage.

_"I don't want you, It was a stupid mistake" I told stan, I honestly meant that. I loved butch with all my heart. I told stan i didnt want anything to do with him and that's the end of it._

When I finnished my shift at the diner butch didn't show up, I waited and waited, then I worried, thinking something bad had happened, I didn't just want to stand and wait any longer so I wandereded towards butches work place at the garage. The work men in the garage immediatley stared at me and started bickering to one another, I heard the word butch in nearly all of thier whispers, what was going on? I knocked on the Harpers office door.

"come in," He shuffling through some paperwork on his desk as I entered his small office. I noticed that his hand was scraped on one side, he pulled a bottle of anti septic from the draw and rubbed it on his hand with a white cloth, it looked like it would sting.

"oh, gosh are you ok? do you need help" harper just looked up _he looked_ _concerningly at me?_ he shuck his head "no, it's ok honey i've got it, what are you doing here, looking for butch?"

"yes and I'm sorry to barge in like this" I told the older man apoligeticly " but butch was suppose to pick me up an hour ago, i'm abit worried, I wondered if you knew where he was?" Harper didn't hesitate to tell me,

"he's been in a fight," my face went blank, was he hurt? "don't worry though, its nothing too bad, he's not hurt, just ace " he said, what?

I looked at him "a fight with ace?" I asked him,

"just a few punches, honey, nothing serious" I froze, were they arguing about something ace may have said?... my heart sank, my throat closed up it felt like I had just swallowed a huge dry pill that got stuck. Panic and paranoia over took me, Had ace told him? before I could speak, harper explained.

"I dont know what it was about, he told butch something that ticked him off, but they'll come around, it was only a few punches honey" the older man smiled at me and I smiled back greatful for his information.

"as long as they both weren't hurt too bad" I couldn't help but feel guilty, I shuffled unconsisously, where was butch now? was he ok?

he laughed "yeah, I had to hold him back and ended up getting my hand scrapped," he said lifting his injured left hand, "but I dont know where he is now," I needed to find him.

"ok, thanks" I said as I was about to leave.

"your welcome, be careful if your walking home on your own" why do guys keep saying that to me? I nodded and smiled sweetly.

I had to get some fresh air, I was suffercating, the stares I got from all the men made me feel weird so I walked quickly out of the garage and headed for home, adrenaline and anger pumped through my viens as I analysed these thoughts in my head. Aces offer, butch fighting, Stan. I knew how angry butch could get though, I know he would never hurt me but the fact that he was still violent scared me.

I had to find butch and soon before he ended up in another fight or got hurt, I needed to find out what the fight was about, It scared me to think that Ace may have told him about stan but then again maybe butch didnt know about stan yet, ace may have just been messing with him he can be annoying normally. If he knew though, If he knew about the other man i'd slept with, what would happen? I was going to tell him myself but if he found out by someone else first. I dont know what he would do, If he would lash out or hurt someone. I had no idea how he would react.

I was shaking all over now as I walked alone in the cold, what would he do? I just had a sudden horrible thought. No, he would never hurt me, not like that. not the man I loved. The city streets darkened as approuched my appartment building.

_was the fight even about Stan though?_ It killed me not knowing. I didn't blame ace in this, it was me, I was in the wrong. If only I hadn't...

It was too late to dwell on the past. What was done, was done.

**sex has become all i know about you**

**memories of those filthy things that we do**

**theres not one single thought that is left**

**after sex with you.**

**N/A: i updated the wrong draft for this chapter at first, i updated the frist draft instead of the last:P but this is the real chapter 6.**

**hope you like it, may seem that not much is happening atm but trust me the story is going somewhere, thanks for the reviews everyone =)**

**I may take a while updating after this one as I wont have much spare time , but i will update as soon as i can. I promise. thanks again! **


	7. forgive me

**Can you forgive me again?**

**I dont know what I said**

**but I didn't mean to hurt you**

**I heard the words come out**

**I felt that I would die **

**It hurt so much to hurt you**

It was just a petty fight thats all, just like harper had said. W_here was butch now though?_

The wind whistled voilently as I picked up my pace, walking faster towards home. I looked around me to see if I could find someone familiar to ask where butch was but tutted when I saw no one. My ears felt numb and frozen due to the cold, my whole body shivered. I was preparing myself for tonight.

I was going to tell Butch everything about what happened with me and Stan. I was determined to let him know however that it meant nothing, that it was a stupid mistake I regreted more than anything. There was no going back, It was what it was and I was more than sorry for what i'd done. I would willingly do anything I could to make butch realise how truely sorry I was.

_what would butch do though? would he..._

I was weak when I slept with stan. I thought back to when it first happened. Me and butch had an argument the night before, he had been in a fight and had obviously hurt someone. Bad. The blood on his hands obviously wasn't his as he rinsted them off in the sink, I tried to make him tell me what happened but he wouldn't tell me anything and got all argumentative about it, he was in a foul mood but he always kept quiet about things like that. There was tension between us that day, but still, that was no excuse.

After ace had given me that offer just the other day I never said a word. It shocked me that I actully thought about it. If ace did kill Stan like he hinted he would. I would always have ace know that he'd killed a man in my favour. I would be eternally in his debt for the rest of my life, I couldnt do that.

It was going to kill me inside to confess everything, but I couldn't keep lying.

I couldn't blame Butch if he left me, but at least I wouldn't have anything to hide, but the sad thruth was I was having doubts about telling him.

I was at my appartment building. I sucked in a deep breath and walked up the flight of stairs, my eyes trailing across the floor. I reached butch's door and knocked to see if he was home. No answer.

"Butch" another knock, "are you home?" silence. I was shaking with worry, I wanted to know where he was and what ace had told him, was he safe? I went to my door and rested my head across the wood and let out a breath. As I unlocked my door, I heard a shuffle from behind me. As I turned to see who it was. I jumped instantly, my heart pounding.

I was suprised to see Stan in the corner of the hallway, a cigarette hanging from his lips, he was leaning casually against the wall, I gasped. Shocked to find him here. why was he here?!

"Told you it wasn't over" his deep voice eched off the thin walls.

"wh-what are you doing here?" I managed to stutter out, he didnt say anything, but a smirk tugged on his lips when he realised I was shaking, due to his presence.

He was messing with me, he really didn't care if he ruined everything.

He just stared back at me as he drew cigarette smoke out from his mouth, he walked towards me after dropping it on the floor and stumping it out with his foot. I felt as if somehow he had control over me, he could tell butch everything himself, he could hold that against me, I knew what would happen then, they would fight and get hurt. I didn't want that.

Stan did have power over me though, when I think back to those times I had_ fallen _I couldn't understand how it happened._ was it by force in some way? did he..._

"how do you know where I live?" I mumbled loud enough for him to hear, he had never followed me home before, at least not that I knew of... He didn't say anything.

I started to get scared if butch came home at this moment and caught him here. It was almost night, he could be here any minute. I caught Stan's sight was on my lips. He scanned his dark eyes slowly down my body, making me shivver. He moved closer towards me taking a few steps, I looked him straight in the eye keeping my face emotionless, I was trying to seem as brave as I could. I had to pretend I didn't feel scared and intimidated by him, which I was. I didn't want to seem weak, my jaw was tense. He didn't answer my question.

"what do you want?" I said bravley, my tone serious, tring to hurry this to the point, the sooner we got to the point the sooner he'd leave.

"what do you think?" he glared at me slighlty but I knew what was in his eyes. Lust. Pure lust. I had to force my eyes away from his, I was determined not to fall into his trap again.

Through all what butch had shown me about sex, it just made the idea of cheating easier because I knew what it was like, sex was still new to me. The idea of it with stan seemed somewhat tempting, hard to refuse, looking at his handsome features and strong body alot like butch's. It was so easy to fall... but one way or another this was getting sorted now.

I wouldn't be like that with Stan again, I didn't want to. I had already hurt myself enough, it was killing me, even more so I'd hurt butch too, he just didnt know it, but he would.

_why did I do it in the first place?_

"No. Its not happening, not ever again" I said strongly, becoming defensive and on guard for any tricks he'd try to pull.

"I'll tell if him if you dont" he spat out threatening me, as if he was bullying me into sleeping with him again.

"I'm telling him myself" I gulped. It was only right that butch knew the truth. He desrved to, if I lost him... it was my own fault, but I love Butch and I wanted to keep him.

"bullshit" Stan put both palms on the wall at each side of my face, pinning me in, he was stronger than me, I felt so weak and so vunerable, the hate and lust in his eyes made my skin crawl.

"you won't tell him, you wouldn't dare, he'd hurt you for it, the guy's violent" he narrowed his eyes at me, I was shocked by the horrible thing he was implying, that butch would hurt me if he found out.

"we both know he wouldn't take kindly to the idea of what me and you have been doing bubbles," he cupped my chin roughly with his palm for me to look at him but I quickly pushed his hand away

My eyes lowered, I felt them watering with tears as that thought ran through my mind, that my own boyfriend would turn his violence onto me. I had a sudden realisation of how horrible and manipulative Stan could be, his harsh words and ruthlessness, he was talking me into the idea that butch would do that. Stan came here for a reason, for what he want's from me. He was bullying me into something I didn't want to do. I hated him for it, how could he be so cruel, but I knew better than to listen to him.

"butch wouldn't hurt me, what happened with us is finnnsihed, it was stupid and I regret it all" I spoke out, my words confident and guenuine.

"I didnt hear you complaining when we were.." he began suggestiveley, I cut him off before he could finnish.

"get out! stay away from me!" I shouted, the raise in my voice had taken a back on him, he looked shocked that I had actually stuck up for myself.

"shhhh," he lowered his voice "you better watch what you say to me doll," before I could react he grabbed my wrists painfully tight, nipping hard into my soft skin, I winced in pain.

"Ouch!" I squealed in his tight grasp, he moved quickly, shoving me into my appartment like i was just a rag doll. My eyes widened with shock, I was scared as to what he'd do next but I knew what was to happen between us. I began to scream for help as he started to attack me, forcing his lips onto mine. I was resisting, and pulling away from him, trying to fight him off, but I wasn't strong enough. I prayed someone would walk by and help me as my door wasnt fully shut. I wouldn't let stan have his way again. I wouldn't let him force me.

"help" I screamed. I kicked him in the shin he grunted in pain as I tried to escape but he was too fast. Stan twisted my wrists spinning me down onto the bed, he threw himself intop of me, pushing all his weight down, keeping me in place. I felt his rough hands trail up my chest as he tried touching me in all those places he did before, trying to get me into play but I wasn't having it. He silenced my cries for help with his huge hand clasped over my mouth.

"just do as I say, dont fight it or it'l hurt you more" _what? is this what he did to me those times before? _he ripped my top down the middle, so he could see me underneath,

"you'le enjoy it, you did before" he started unzipping his jeans, I could not believe what was about to happen I began to cry, hot tears streamed down my face. He smirked at my scared mannerism and exposed body. I began to whimper

I felt a cold draft rush from the door as I heard it being flung open, loud heavy footsteps echoed into the room

"get off her!" a familiar angrey voice was harsh and threatening. I was scared but so relieved to hear his voice at that moment. Butch. I was shaking all over.

"get the fuck off of her!" I felt a slight pain as Stan form was ripped away from my body as fast as I could blink, butch grabbed him by the collar and started pounding him with hard punches to the face, Stan groaned in pain and then dragged butch to the floor, tripping him over were they were fighting voilently. I gasped and moved to the far end of the bed out of the way of there wrath.

"stop" I shouted but it was pointless I covvered my ears to block out the swearing and pounding of flesh with thier fists. They had to stop this before someone got seriously hurt. Butch had a bloody nose and stan was clinging onto his stomach arching his body over in pain.

I was froze in the spot on the bed in shock. I curled my arms around my body to try and calm down my panic, I knew they knew distantly they probably have fought before I expected but Butch was really angrey, he was fiercley protective of me though.

"what did you think you were doing huh?" Butch's sinster eyes were staring daggers at stan for what he'd tryed to do to me.

"well," stan turned to look at me as he spat out some blood on the floor "your girl liked it when I fucked her all those other times" Stans words were honest. Butch's body locked up, after he'd processed Stan's words. My heart sank, my jaw dropped, I was absoulutley devistated, my ears felt hot with embarrrasment, as lump formed in my throat as tight a pebble as I resisted the urge to burst out in tears.

Butch's whole body froze and he stayed deadly still and silent, guilt and self loathing took over me, I could see the anger building up in him. He was knealing on the floor a foot away from Stan.

There was a short pause "what" butch said blankly, I felt my eyes well up with tears, I put a hand over my mouth to stop me from crying.

**Each time i say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you"**

**but somehow I know that you will never leave me yeah?**

**A/N: Ok first of all sorry for the long wait, but I've not had alot of spare time. but here it is**

**This chapter is a cliffhanger so you'le have to wait for the next one to see what happens. Also t****he next chapter will also make this one make more sense as it goes back on itself in the one to come, but you'le see what i mean when I update ; P**

**I hope you guys liked it and thanks again for being patient I know how frustrating it can be waiting. I'm still waiting for CrystalGem to update her story TOTLTUTV as it's hands down the best fan fic I have ever read and she should definatley consider publishing it =) **

**also if any of you have any ideas, suggestions or ways I can improve about my story, please let me know in a review, constructive critisism is appreciated.**

**anyweys I'll try and have the next chap up alittle sooner! thanks so much for reading to all of you, and please review :)**


	8. always

**This romeo is bleeding**

**But you can't see his blood**

**It's nothing but some feelings**

**That this old dog kicked up**

**It's been raining since you left me**

**Now I'm drowning in the flood**

**You see I've always been a fighter**

**But without you I give up**

I watched the two men in front of me, Butch was silent. They were both bruised from the fight they had when butch walked in on Stan attacking me. Hot tears ran down my face and I did my best to try to keep them in. I covvered my exposed chest with both sides of my ripped shirt, pulling it around me. I was so scared, terrified what butch would do.

There was a pause after Stan spoke, butch's face went collectivley blank.

"What..." butchs voice was hollow as if he was far away but he soon recovered. He was glaring at Stan now, full of anger, I watched them both it was like they were both rivals for me.

"what did you say?" he threatened,

Stan kept a cocky smirk dispite his briused face, he'd told butch about me and him, and my heart sank inside

"I've fucked your girlfriend before various times and she loved it" he was cut off. I heard a harsh thud as butch punched stan in the face, hard.

They tackeled eachother punching and shoving. I was froze on the bed in shock, I had caused this. Butch had been told about me sleeping with another man before I had the chance to tell him first. I looked down shamefully at the floor as i sunk into the sheets. Stan was proud of what he got from me, and he was rubbing it in butchs face.

I closed my eyes, what must he think of me now?

_"faster" I begged. Our bodies bare and sweaty. Stan was going slow diliberatly building it up, the pleasure hitting us both. He felt this too and began to move faster, he thrusted harder inside me. I closed my eyes and bit my lip. I tilted my body and neck back slighty, my nails biting into his shoulder blades as he picked up the pace, ramming his hips against me. I dont know how it ended up like this. I was thinking of butch at split moments when my eyes were shut, stans hair was dark like butch's, the raw lust in his eyes was just like butch. I couldn't think of anything else but the feel of him inside me._

_"say my name" he demanded in dark needy tones, I shuck my head, not wanting to give, he moved me to an angle more for his benefit, the sound of our slapping flesh was loud despite our moans._

_"say it" he repeated, my face was hot and my breath thick panting hard to what he was doing. __I whimpered softly reaching my climax, he smirked down at me, his eyes so dark._

_"say it" his deep voice was rough with lust. We moaned loader, his bed squeaked thrust by thrust. _

_"Stan" I said softly moaning his name, "Stan" i could feel him deeper, faster, harder __"Stan!" i moaned shakily our bodies ramming. Stan pounding himself in and out. He lifted my back up slighty with one hand, arching my body. I__ felt my release as he bit at my throat._

I shuddered at my own actions then, I zoned back into the room

_"_bastard, you fucking liar" butch growled, he dragged stan to his feet pinning him against the wall by his throat, until butch was quickly kneed between the legs, he groaned and let go leaving Stan free, butch was hunching over in pain. I couldn't help but run to him and help him stand up straight, i put my hand around his arm helping him up he didn't look at me, or speak to me, but he also didn't stop me from helping him stand.

I rubbed his bruised arm gently trying to sooth it but he turned it away from me and batted my hand away, so I just stood there next to him, i didn't know what to say and I couldn't deny the truth any longer.

Stan spat out blood from his bust lip.

"i aint lying. ask her yourself, babe?" Stan looked over to me motioning for me to confirm what he was telling butch, i started to shake looking down, my blonde hair fell into my face as I began to sob.

butch didn't say a word, he was silent and closed up. I could see that his back and entire body was tense

"come on butch all the boys know, or haven't you heard?" There was a silence and It was numbing,

Stan's words were genuine as they hung in the air.

I knew Stan was forceful, he tried to rape me today. I must have just been oblivious or just let it happen those other times, but that wasn't me. I had no answers. Nothing to justify.

I wasn't strong enough to stop him. He was physically stronger, I was weak.

I looked up at Butch and he turned to me, unable to speak.

Butch looked into my eyes, searching for an answer. His face was blank but his jaw tense. The silence was deadly and it spoke the truth. I had cheated.

"and she didn't stop me" stan didn't know when to stop. he didn't know how dangerous his word were for his health if he didnt keep his mouth shut, I should have taken ace up on that offer.

butch lost it at that moment. I flinched as he quickly through himself towards stan to smack him but he ducked and punched butch back, it started again they were fighting viciously in my apartment.

"stop. stop it!" I was pleading with them both, so that they wouldn't get hurt or end up killing eachother.

moments later Stan fled the room, quick rummaging movements heard as he quickly disappeared decending down the stairs

his footsteps were loud and fast as he dissapeared out of the apartment, which he was wise in doing because I had a feeling butch would have killed him. Stan knew it was best for his sake to run and leave butch to deal with me. He shuffled standing straight and turning to look at me.

"what's he talking about bubbles?" his voice was deadly calm and that scared me, his face was blank but the fierce look in his eyes told me he could snap at any moment.

"I... I'm so sorry, I was going to tell you" my voice almost cracked. He looked shocked but didn't say anything for a moment

"what?" his eyes darkened, he looked so sinister, hurt, angry all these emotions tied up with in him, it was all my fault. He looked at me with what seemed to be disbelief and disappointment as if he thought it was impossible for such a good girl like me to do something like this

"please don't hate me" I told him honestly, the shame I felt was building up.

"don't hate you? you.." he spoke slowly, his dark eyes clouded over.

he stopped talking, unable to say the words. I still couldn't believe i did such a thing. Poor butch, he must feel humiliated to find out this way but i felt worse I truly did. I hated this trap I had fell into

"i didnt mean to" I was trying to explain that it meant nothing to me, me and Stan. I only wanted that with butch, only one man. even if I...

He scowled at me

"you fucked him" his harsh words and the dirty way he put it made it sound even worse. I couldn't blame him if he hated me.

Silence filled the room again I could feel his deep hate and frustration and I just felt like crying.

He suddenly stood up and walked over to me, his proximity so close as I backed into a wall. I could feel his hot breath catching my face, his rested one hand on the wall near my head as he drew his face closer, his features rough and cold as he looked at me i could see i had hurt him

"why" he truly didn't want to believe it, but he did. I could see his hurt, even if he was good at hiding his feelings I could still see it.

my whole body shivered with fear, I loathed myself, he just watched me closly waiting for a reply. I could practically feel him looking at me in disgust, my back tensed.

I tilted my head down in shame, a few blonde strands of hair fell into my face

"I'm sorry" I felt a tear run down my cheek.

"why bubbles?" he asked again

he then put on a dirty tone but i could tell it was forced "was this not good enough?" he grabbed my hips and pulled me towards him then curved his hands down my sides to grip my butt, he was taking this wrong that didn't have anything to do with it.

"it wasn't like that, I'm sorry" he narrowed his eyes, not taking pity on me

"when?" he asked. "when did it happen?" he raised his voiced at me

the walls where closing in i couldn't take it

"not long ago" I replied

he turned away from me quickly, violently tossing a book stand over on its self and the glass on it smashed as it hit the floor he was pacing around my room looking for any thing to destroy in his path

butch shoved my side cabinet over in quick moments, the thick books made a harsh thud as they hit the ground,

I tried not to be scared, I couldn't be scared of the man I loved. he breathed heavily with anger and ran his fingers through his hair, then he stood there not facing me, silent.

"butch please talk to me. please" I was scared now. Afraid he'd leave me forever. What would i do without him.

"fucking bitch" he snapped, he slipped on his mask of indifference

"how many times?" he asked. I looked at him and couldn't bear to say. I gulped but before i could answer, but he did for me

"more than once" he guessed but he already knew. he kept his pride and put a sly voice on as if he didn't care

"you know, i over heard something ace said, i knew there was something, you've been lying to me for a while" he said.

I didn't speak. I guess he could read me like a book after all

"I'm not stupid bubbles, you had plenty of chances to tell me" he said slowly and quietly

I could see he guessed that why I was acting weird around ace as he knew about stan butch linked that together and he clearly understood it all made sense.

"I asked you the other night what was wrong, if you were going to tell me, why didn't you?" he was right. I was scared to that's why.

"butch, I was scared to tell you." I admitted and he frowned

"why? are you fucking scared of me?" he shouted, I didn't answer and he raised his eyebrow. "well?"

"i didn't want you to leave me" I said the simple truth. I saw war pass through his eyes, i could see the thought of me and stan together in bed in his eyes he shook his head to the left he was disgusted

"I'm going to kill him," he said determined

"no, butch..." i didn't want that. butch would get put in prison for a good portion of his life for murder

"why not? your my girl. not his! "he pushed me down on the bed, grabbing my hands tight and pinning them above my head, i winced in pain and nearly squealed

"is this what you wanted? this why you did it? slut " his words cut me deep as he spoke, i was crying now, hot tears ran down my face

"butch please, i didn't want him i didn't want any of it, he.." I stopped myself before I...

I just cried turning my head away for his so he couldn't see my broken face

I could see from the corner of my eye that his eyes widened.

he looked at me, suddenly stopping and got off me. he rubbed gently at my tear stained cheek all that hate he had then in that moment turned to sorrow and regret for scorning me

"baby, i did realise" his regret was in his tone. and he was anger again now but it wasn't aimed at me it was aimed at something else. he jaw tensed with anger

"did he force you?" war clouded over his eyes as he asked me that question

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know the words, or what to tell him

**I can't sing a love song**

**Like the way it's meant to be**

**Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore**

**But baby, that's just me**

**A/N: here it is sorry for the long wait but my life's been pretty hectic atm**

**hope you guys liked this chapter! and ****can i just say that for some reason im not completely 100 percent happy with this chapter but i did try, i just feel as if i could do better and if any of you have any advice on how i can improve or any constructive critism? i would really appeciate it!**

**anyweys thanks for being patient and thank you so much for reading :)**

**if you have any tips at all let me know, or ideas or questions? thanks again. **


	9. no other man

**I dont know what you did boy but you had it**

**and ive been hooked ever since**

Butch looked into my eyes feeling slightly arkward, he drew me up with his hands on my shoulders. I sat and let him hold me, I needed to be closer to him, but first I needed an answer to give

Should I follow my heart or my head? I could follow my head, do the smart thing and tell him the truth, what I hate to admit, that I slept with stan willingly. Or I could follow my heart and tell him what I wanted to believe, that I didn't want to, that he forced me which he did in a way, Therefore I would have never been unfaithful.

I felt dirty and used with Stan he saw me as an object, but when I slept with butch It meant something more than just sex

Butch was looking at me as he sat next to me on the bed waiting patiently for my reply. He knew how uneasy I felt and wasn't pushing me for an answer. He understood. His large callous hand came up as he slowly and delicately rubbed my back in circling motions, letting me know that he was here for me, he looked away from me as he spoke, i could tell he felt regretful of how he just treated me a few seconds ago.

"I'm sorry baby, I didn't realise," sorrow showed through his voice slightly, I was alittle angry for the name he called me but I could understand his hurt.

Then his eyes narrowed and his knuckles turned white as he made a fist in the sheets

"what did that bastard do to you? If he hit you, threatened you, forced you, then I swear he's d.." I knew what he was going to say. He stopped after I nudged him to stop talking like that, no matter how angry he was he didn't want to scare me or upset me even more, I was crying, feeling pathetic. I thought I would have ran out of tears by now. His hand came up gently and moved a stray strand of my hair behind my ear,

"come here" he snuggled up to me and he wrapped his strong arms around me protectively, I naturally melted into his form and wrapped my arms around his waist. I rested my head across his strong chest, I closed my eyes and breathed in his musky scent. My tears had dried on my face and some rubbed off onto his black shirt. I could feel his anger and jealousy, that another man had touched me in the same way he does.

Butch wanted to protect me and keep me safe but this had happened with stan, he said nothing.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said. He didn't respond,

Butch sat there hugging me tighter, in a steel grip but he was gentle enough not to crush me, he knew how sensitive he should be around me right now, He knew. He understood. I belonged to him, and he wan't going to let Stan get away with this, we both knew that.

"he'll pay for what he's done to you" he said, his jaw tense and determined. I didn't know what to do, my fingers clawed into his shirt and as pulled myself further into his chest and he rocked me gently

"please butch, I don't want you to get hurt, If you start fighting," I told him pointlessly, when his mind is set on something nothing will make him stop

"I'm not going back on my word, your my girl and he hurt you" he said. I shook my head unable to form the words

"you think im just gunna sit and do nothing when some guy raped my girlfriend?" he said raising his voice but his anger wasn't aimed at me, the words sounded strange and untrue to me, raped? he looked over at me

"why are you defending him?" this time he sounded suspicious, " i don't understand how you aren't angery with him bubbles, after what he's done, how can you be so forgiving?"

I simply shrugged again unable to answer him, I didn't want butch behind bars thats why.

"I don't want you put in prison butch" I honestly couldn't care less about Stan any more if butch killed him he would have deserved that, was scary to admit it, but two wrongs don't make a right and i was more worried about butch, than i was angry at Stan.

Butch kissed my cheek warmly and deeply, i snugged closer to him, "I'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner, I was scared and.."

"shhh, i know" his rocked me gently rubbing my back and kissing my neck, "but he's going to pay for it,"

I sighed i had worried too much and it was all at one level now, If Stan was smart he'd hide out for a while or even leave the city to save his own skin, I was sure he'd be far away by now for anything to happen to him.

I melted to butches form, his back was still tense from the news he'd received today but i was tring to carm him but rubbing his arms gently, he gave me one last kiss on the lips before he got up.

"butch" he said nothing and walked into the kichten, my eyes followed him, his back to me as i saw he place a gun in his pocket and put on his leather jacket, the shape on the gun showing clearly through his rough jeans, my heart caught a pace, "BUTCH"

he grabbed his keys, "stay here, youle be safe if you stay here,"

"where are you going? why are you taking that with you?" i pointed to his jeans meant for the gun they contained,

I stood up infront of the door, blocking him from leaving, he was going to kill him, i knew it, his eyes said it all, he was calm on the outside but i knew how fierce and agressive he was inside,

"move out of the way" he said as he stood infront of me ready to leave

"no" i stood watching him

"you can't stop me from leaving, move out the way bubbles" if he had to force me he was going to, he was stubborn

"where are you going with that?" i pointed to his gun, i looked up at his eyes they were deadly and completely cold

"don't butch, i dont want you to get hurt"

"il be fine, i always am, Stan's going to get whats coming to him" my eyes widened, he really was going to do it, his mind made up without even thinking of my concerns.

"don't" i said as he grabbed my arm gently and pulled me away from the door, I ran out into the corridoor before he reached the stairs.

"butch" he turned to me "il be safe" he promised me before he left. I stood there not knowing what to do do, a cold shivver wrapped past me body as the icey breeze of winter seeped through the open window of the apartment, i stood alone and isolated, not knowing either to stay here like butch said or run after him to try and stop this all.

i hugged myself in the cold and could think of nothing else but the chaos i had caused

**aint no other man its true**

**there's no other man but you**

**N/A: sorry for the long wait but ive been sooo busy at the moment, hope you liked this chapter**

** i was thinking of making this the last chap as a cliffhanger, but wasnt sure. if you guys want me to continue further then let me know because im on the edge wether to leave it at this or continue however i am taking into consideration what i think will be better for the story but it will be more than likely there will be a next chapter to finnish this off :)**

**thanks again!**


	10. your song

**Its alittle bit funny**

** this feeling inside**

**its not something you can easily hide**

The harsh metal of the key was cold as i locked the door behind me. My breath was visible as i breathed out into the icy air. My heart thumped in my chest as i bravely made my way out of the building to find butch to try and stop him from making a terrible mistake. I had to hurry though, i knew how short his temper was.

I rushed pass the few people who were out in this blistering cold weather, winter was storming in fast and temperatures were far too low to be outside. I headed towards the bar where most of the gangs would hang out it was close to Stan's apartment too.

I had no idea what i was going to do once i encountered them both, I was running straight into danger for sure, they were both two grown men and i was no match for either of them but i had to talk some sense into them at least.

As i approached the dim lighted bar on the high street i came across a familiar red head and was relived to see him.

"Brick" i shouted across the row of grungy men and easy looking girls that were stood in line waiting to get into the night club, he looked in daze almost and slightly concerned. He caught my attention and quickly came too from his trance and welcomed me with a friendly smile.

"hey bubbles" he said

"have you seen butch by any chance?" my tone was polite and he stiffened as his face expression dropped slightly. He been talking to ace and a few other rough looking men

"yeah he just passed by, seemed pretty worked up" he said looking at me for my reaction, i looked down at the floor then quickly back up at him.

"where was he heading?" i asked

he pointed to Graving street, the neighbour hood where Stan lived past the alley way a few blocks down.

"thanks" i said briefly as i turned to pass him.

"what's happened bubbles?" there was a pause,

"what did you do?" he looked concerned ever so slightly at me, butch must have menstioned i was involved when he passed by and i knew he looked like he was going to kill someone at the moment.

"it's complicated." i said

"ok, well be careful its getting dark babe, you dont want to be walking around on your own" i knew the city was dangerous and i would have to be really careful on my own

i smiled "i know, il be ok"

as if i couldn't look after myself for one minute, it was nice that he cared but i really didn't need it.

"il walk with you, butch would kill me if he know i let you walk around town on your own, especially at night" he said determinative

"brick that's nice but you really don't.."

"well too bad cos im walking you to where ever your going" he put on a smile showing his white teeth and i rolled my eyes but accept.

"alright" i didn't want him in danger too, he shoved his hands in his pockets and we began walking down towards graving street,

"burrrrr" i shivered as i hugged my coat around me more,

"so..." brick smiled at me, i gave him a curious look as i raised my eyebrows,

" i heard something about you," he breathed out a cloud of smoke from his cigarette and threw the but on the ground, i listened in.

"something the boys said back there, didnt sound like you" if brick knew i cheated on his brother surely he'd me angrey at me for betraying butch. They were close after all.

"but don't worry bout it, the guys are probably making it up, false rumours get spread all the time" he said, then he gave me a look. Butch wouldn't have told him about Stan. he understood I was sensitive about what happened. I didn't ask brick what this 'rumour' was about. If it was about what i thought, then i had heard enough for today.

"brick you really dont have to walk me here you know" i said almost pleading, trying to changing the subject.

He looked at me again for a moment, as if he was trying to read me.

Brick was harder to talk to than boomer and in a way butch too, he was fiercely loyal to his brothers and if anyone messed them about, brick wouldn't let them get away with it.

As much as that showed there closeness it did scare me slightly, but he didn't seem like the type to hit a girl i wouldn't have thought any of the sawyer brothers would sloop that low, but unfortunatley i could never be sure.

We heard shouting and thumping from across the street and coming from an alley way was a loud noise of what sounded like someone being thrown against some garbage bins, the sound grew louder as we walked.

I instantly thought it was butch, i edged towards the sound and started to run towards the racket but brick caught my arm.

"bubbles, don't go in there," he said immediately,

"youle get hurt, come on" he was motioning me to go with him and ignore the pretentious danger

"i think it's butch in there, he could get hurt" i said

"why would butch be in there?" brick asked curiously

I looked at my surroundings we were close enough to the audley gangs hangout and the tall dim building in front of us was the apartment where Stan lived.

"he's after someone, and i don't want him to get hurt or do something he'l regret" bricks face expression was now serious

"who?" he asked

I felt my cheeks blush, at all the mess i had caused all because of a stupid mistake

"he's part of that gang, the audleys or something," i was rushing my words

"that Stan?" he asked raising his eye brow

He knew, the news on what me and Stan did must have been spend around to everyone. The rumour he heard was true.

"butch was really angry when Stan left, they were fighting and i think he's going to do something stupid and get hurt," i said honestly

Brick looked at me slightly miffed, his eyes narrowed as some of his dark red hair fell into his face,

"so you were just messing around after all huh?" he said angrily

"you didn't care about my brother at all did you? and then you go fuck some other guy? the enemy" his words were threatening but he had a calm posture, i noticed him make a fist, his knuckles white.

"normally butch wouldn't mind if you were another girl but he cares about you, you know he does" i knew he was angry i had hurt his brother and he wasn't happy about it one bit

i could sense the anger coming from him but i could understand. I didnt feel like crying any more i was getting angry, it wasnt supose to be like this.

"brick, its not how it looks," i told him my cheeks warm and red

"i care alot about your brother" i said reassuringly he looked at me like i was dirt,

"i would never hurt him unpurpose, it wasnt meant to happen" he narrowed his eyes at me

"yeah yeah, makes you sound pretty easy dont you think? " brick said, i took a deep calm breath

"i need to find him" he faltered abit, he was taking pity on me. i bet i looked like i was going to cry but i was far from it

Then the two suspicious figures came out from the shadows, me and brick turned to see them the dim street lamps making them visible to see in the dark, two men fighting to there wits, butch and Stan.

my pulse was racing as to what might happen, what butch would do, if he ever got hurt i could never forgive myself,

"man just chill! it didnt mean shit, we only fucked a few times" stan shouted, blood dripping from his nose as he leaned up against the wall

"why don't you tell the truth, you scum, she didn't want to!" butch laid a punch on him so hard Stan collapsed, brick ran towards butch and i followed

"butch calm down" brick held butches arm away from stan and patted him on the back, he hunched and spat out blood, they must have really had a go he had a black eye but apart from that he seemed ok,

"oh butch" i wiped his hair out of his face and gently stroked his cheek, he looked at me anger in his eyes but it wasn't aimed at me, he sighed and cupped my chin and he rubbed my bottom lip with his thumb.

"man, i think hes out cold" brick said as he stood over where stan was laid out

i gasped and went over to see how he was

"but is he ok?" i asked looking over at Stan unconscious, brick gave me a 'that's a stupid question' look

"get away from him bubbles" butch said to me protectively he then pulled me to him to me and kissed my head discreetly, could feel his heart beat and i hugged him back, i smelled his neck as i kissed it

" i though something bad might of happened to you, don't do that again," i told him

"i wont let him hurt you again" he whispered to me

I hugged him tighter but gentle enough not to hurt his unseen wounds and i almost sobbed, I was so glad he was ok, i clung to his form in the cold wind and kissed his cheek.

We both looked down to where stan was and brick turned to us

"he's not breathing"

**i hope you dont mind,**

** that i put down in words**

**how wonderful life is**

** now your in the world**

**N/A: next chapter up :) sorry it took so long let me know what you think, hope you guys liked it :) if you have any suggestions/ ideas let me know**

**thanks again! x**


	11. Epilogue

**I was as lucky to find you**

**I always knew someday there'd be you **

**You were meant to be here and now you are**

**You are my purpose**

I looked up towards butch as he stiffened, stan wasnt breathing we both looked over to brick and catching sight of the hard deep puncure to Stan's temple where butch had caused the fatal blow, there was blood everywhere on butch, on stan and all over the pavment.

"he's hearts stopped, youve killed him." brick slowly looked back to butchs face his red eyes cast of worry and anger

my heart pounded hard in my chest. he had kiled a man right infront of my eyes. i didnt know what to do

"well this is some deep shit youve got us into," brick said to his brother

"what are we going to do?" he asked

"we'l have to dump him somewhere, its all we can do" bucth said completley cold

how could he be so cool? he just took a mans life

"no" i said harshly and hurt,

"he's going to have relatives that will want to know where he is not just dumped somewhere like a pieice of trash" i put my foot down with the throbing feeling of adrenaline rushing through my body

i willed them not to just dump him somewhere but to give him his dignity and respect, stan didnt desrve to just be dumped somewhere like an animal

butch looked at me then at brick "fine"

"where guna have to move him now or someone will find him soon" brick said smartly as he wispered so no one close could hear,

I watched with shame as the two brothers draggd stans lifeless body towards the docks i followed. Time seemed to stop in that moment when it really hit me that stan was now dead.

As we aprouched the edge of the floor without being seen, the shadows of night covvering us from sight we stood silent

"please dont just dump him" i said, shaking from the cold and the sinking feeling in my stomach. He wasnt suppose to die. It wasnt suppose to be like this.

"bubbles what else can we do? leave him here for someone to find? the police will track it to us and il be put away, we have to get rid of the evidence" butch said

I had never felt so low in all my life, I looked down at the man who once tried to attack me if butch hadnt walked in god knows what he could have done, it doesnt make killing him right tho, this shouldnt have happened.

"we better do this now before someone sees us" brick helped butch lean stans body over the edge of the dock after a few seconds after they let go of him.

I heard the splash as stan hit the water below us. I was nearly in tears I was to shocked, and my mind over filled with bad thoughts of what stans poor relatives and friends will have to go through, if we got caught, everything was crashing down and i didnt know how i got catch up in all this and now a man was dead, because of me.

I didnt know what to do.

...

"i know your scared, but he cant hurt you anymore" butch tried his best to comfort me but it woulndn't work

I hugged myself tighter as i curled into a ball on his couch.

How could i tell him that he killed stan for the wrong reason. he thought stan raped my but in truth he didnt. i didn't even try to stop him. Although he did attack me today ...

"bubbles, i didnt mean to kill him i just wanted to hurt him, bad. but that last punch i gave was too much," he was sat on the egde of the couch both his elbows resting on his knees and his palms on his face.

"butch i have to tell you something about what stan did" I needed to tell him but i really didnt want to, i felt like i owed it stan to tell butch the truth,

butch looked at me, his dark eyes were sollum.

"bubbles, you dont have to say anything, i know it upsets you, stan hurt you and hes paid for it. and i promise il always protect you," i swore with such strenth than id ever seen in a man

"you don't have to tell me anything" he strocked my cheek gentley with his calose hand

"i was stupid enough and blind enough that i didnt stop it from happening, i knew something was wrong, you should have told me when it first happened," he told me gentley willing me to believe that he could protect me from any evil in the world, but he couldnt protect me all the time.

"you have to tell me when someone hurts you and i will take care of it" he said

I couldnt bring myself to tell him the truth, maybe it is for the best that i dont. he was hurt enough and so was I

I sunk next to his form and wrapped my small arms around his strong muscely arm

"i was scared that you would get really hurt or worse, dont do that again, promise" i told him

I rubbed his arm and nudged closer to him, the undying love i felt for the boy sat next to me was still strong now as ever

he didnt say anything but simply nodded.

"i love you you know" i kissed at his neck, he didnt say any words, i had a feeling that he never would. That i would never hear him say the words that i so longed to hear from him. That he loved me too. but he will never say it.

He kissed the top of my head and strocked the silky blonde strands of my hair. He rested us both back into the couch and i returned the cuddle, we stayed that way for a while.

He hugged me tighter, protecting me, his big hands stoking my body, he was letting me know that he was here for me, that i was his.

Then he kisssed me, full of passion and want, I kissed him back lovingly letting him know it was ok for him to carry on, i wanted him to show me he loved me, i needed him to.

he layed me back against the couch and he felt perfect against me, i ran my hands through his dark hair complying and he kissed at my neck making me moan, another feeling came up and my lower stomach pooled with heat as a moaned against him

Still kissing we undressed eachother ready for what was to come, heated moments later he was inside me thrusting and i clung to him desperatley as we moaned. I wanted him to keep going, to keep making love to me, i wanted the man i loved to never let me go. We were both moving in rythum our bodies entwined together in heat and movement.

He kissed at my neck and i was crying out the pleasure hitting me as i came and pulled his body closer to mine if that were even possible. my nails digging into his back with slight sweat coated on him from our actions

We looked into eachothers eyes, still thrusting his hips he held my head and kissed at my neck as he released into me. "mmmmm" i moaned and then we relaxed, my legs weak and tired, he shifted his weight onto his fore arms he looked down at me, we smiled at eachother and kissed slowly. perfectly. I loved him so much and i never felt so happy in that moment, as he looked down at me he opened his mouth and spoke,

"I love you"

**N/A: well ther we go!**

**Somehow i feel i may have let my readers down, il read through this story and its almost as if there is a huge peice missing, like i have left this story too long and lost the spark what made the story good, if there is anything you feel i can improve on or anything i could have included please let me know, im open to ideas, i tried my best with this and hope you guys liked it**

**They are together, Stan is gone and we finish with what bubbles wanted even though what happened to stan was unfair, in this story i felt it was inevitable. This wasnt meant to be a super long story either,**

**really hope you guys liked it!**** :)**

**Thanks so much for reading! R&R x**


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